Prosecutor: Is this microphone on? Good. Now, remember you are giving testimony under oath. In a previous deposition you denied that you and your intern visited any -- what was the term? -- "cool sites" during the week in question. I ask again, did the event take place?
Picks of the Week: Well, sir, that depends on your definition of "visit cool sites." The question might be a little too specific. We also look for timely, informative, and wacky sites. Take, for example, A Momentary Vignette. Almost daily the site offers a brief, beautiful glimpse of something from the world of architecture, design, and art -- everything from Bauhaus to R. Buckminster Fuller. Should we call it cool? Sure, if you're interested in architecture and design. But, maybe "poetic," "subtle" and "interesting" are better words for the rest of---
Prosecutor: Please stay on track. Can you paint a picture of the relationship?
PoTW: No. Sorry, we can't paint a picture of the relationship. There's no canvas or brush. Without those essentials, not even Vincent van Gogh could do it. And think about what he did pull off--Starry Night, all of those portraits and self-portraits, the sunflower series, his works in Arles. The man was genius; thankfully there are great sites out there celebrating his life and art. In fact, we think the really important question here is whether it's pronounced "van Go" or "van Gogch." Or, maybe it's just "van Gog"?
Grand Juror #7: It's -- ahem -- "van Go" with a silent "gh." Now. Obviously this was more than just a game of Chutes and Ladders in the lunch room. We've heard a number of witnesses make mention of a certain dress. How would you characterize it?
PoTW: Well your honorship, it was basically an average dress. It had a v-neck...or maybe it was more of a scoop. Short, loose sleeves. You could call it blue, but that wouldn't really do it justice. It was more a combination dark blue with a sort of aqua green. If it pleases the court, we can show the exact color by using ColorMix. The site allows Web designers to expand on the 216-color Netscape palette by combining two or even three "Web-safe" hues. Test the combination right on the screen and then ColorMix produces a swatch of the dithered color that can be imported back into your graphics program. Ah, here we go: the dress was definitely color #000066 mixed with #339999, except for one place where it looked a little like #FFFFFF... See?
Prosecutor: OK, thank you. I'm asking the questions here. Are you aware that we have photographs of you in compromising positions?
PoTW: Of course we're aware! We took them! As to the positions--you make that sound so unseemly. We were compromising to see who'd get to write about the Corbis Picture Experience. After all, a site that redefines its entire genre doesn't come around every day. This is an amazing archive of photographs well worth exploring. Add the ability to send any of the images as a stylish Web-based postcard and you've got a blockbuster on your hands. So you can imagine why there was such a heated discussion about who got to cover the site. Luckily, the whole thing ended without acrimony.
Prosecutor: Acrimony? Please explain.
PoTW: Sure. That's when you make a word out of the first letters of other words, usually a phrase. For example, POTW is an acrimony for "Picks of the Week," POTUS is an acrimony for "President of the United States," and YCJCYAQFTJ is an acrimony for "your curiosity just cost you a quarter for the jukebox." Another example: TBE98 is an acrimony for The Tycho Brahe Expedition 1998, an attempt to find the meteorite that crashed (in a grand splendiferous fireball) into the icecap of southern Greenland in December of last year. The accompanying site follows the expedition as it unfolds, complete with a diary and image archive, which we think is PDA -- pretty darn awesome!
Prosecutor: Yes, well, we think PDA actually means "private display of affection." Which leads back to the question you still haven't answered: Have you ever knowingly violated any state or federal statutes?
PoTW: No, sir! We would never violate a statue! And we visit state and federal statues all the time. Especially now that Yahoo! Parks is available, with tons of information covering state, regional, national, and international parks. We use the site to read up on the features and schedules of recreational areas, to book flights, shop for gear, and even reserve campsites. We've been to 27 separate state and national parks and not once have we ever violated anything. Of course, there was that one time we nicked the statue of Stonewall Jackson with the camper while we were backing out, but you certainly couldn't call that "knowingly."
Prosecutor: You're clearly evading the relevant issues. Why won't you share your side of the story?
PoTW: Share, Mr. Prosecutor? We don't share? We share all the time. We share and share alike. The sports section of the paper--you want it? Here you go. The last doughnut in the box? We've never eaten it. Never. Why, we even share the highway, devoutly following the common-sense advice of Traffic Waves, a site from Seattle commuter and self-proclaimed science hobbyist William Beatty. We've read and reread his accounts of "invisible" accidents, antitraffic, lubricant atoms, and his various traffic experiments. In fact, right now we'd like to share how enthusiastic we are about Bill's suggested traffic behavior. It's obvious that traffic jams, like, say, unforseeable sexual misadventures, can't be fixed by complicated investigations and time-consuming grand juries. Everyone's just got to learn to share. Like us. [to jury:] Care for some of these fries? There's more ketchup where that came from.
Prosecutor: So you deny putting your intern in touch with an executive search service, with the intention of procuring employment?
PoTW: Never happened. Never. Now, there was a headhunter involved at one time, but that was an entirely different story, and again, you've got the definition wrong. Look, just visit the the Head-Hunting Gallery to see what we mean. We're talking shrunken heads, tribal warfare, the whole nine yards. You know the phrase, he's got a big head? Well, after a meeting with this guy absolutely nobody has a big head. No, sir.
Prosecutor: That's it? You have nothing else to add?
PoTW: Yes, we do. [to the jury] Your honorships, this is going nowhere. We don't know what else to say. C'mon. It's like a bad dream. We've been through all of this before. You know our story. You've heard the other side. Either you believe us or don't. It's up to you. Take your pick(s).
If you know of any timely, informative, or wacky web sites, please drop us a note. Also, feel free to send any general thoughts or comments about Picks.