Welcome to this week's selection of Picks, where we've been mourning the end of summer. Please realize, this is not your basic garden-style variety of Labor Day sadness, this is deep-rooted regret. Regret that yet again we've failed to accomplish our goals for the summer. We tried. We always try. But, around here things never work out the way they're planned.
We started off with such high hopes. Remember the drive to clone ourselves to get more time off? Oh the ingenuity! The dreams! We visited Conceiving a Clone, an amazing, in-depth look at all aspects of the cloning debate. We explored the site's timeline, read profiles of the key players in the field, and learned the various misconceptions about cloning. We even looked up the word "embryology" in the dictionary. All for naught! Interest waned considerably when we got to the part about drawing blood for DNA samples. Since then we've been stuck with half a dozen five-legged sheep, all named Dolly. Anyone out there need some cheap wool? Please call!
Speaking of which, the long weekend at Uncle Chester's farm was okay, but slathering mange ointment on a surly 300 pound sow wasn't exactly our idea of a stellar time. We could've used the sage counsel of The Household Cyclopedia, a voluminous 19th Century Uber-Manual that covers everything from treating distemper in puppies to home amputation techniques. Other topics include bleaching, engraving, horsemanship, pottery, electrotyping, and fireworks. Don't miss the supplemental treatise on bees and their management, by E.S. Tupper.
Even the results of our mid-July trip to the strip mall were sadly predictable: a blockbuster soundtrack CD, a pair of relaxed-fit khakis, and a poster of a professional athlete. Was buying stuff ever any fun? We find solace in the Design for Life site, featuring highlights from the vast collection of classy knick-knacks at the Cooper-Hewitt National Design Museum in Washington, D.C. Standouts include a Penguin cocktail shaker, an artichoke chandelier, and an art deco toothbrush. We gaze at our tacky halogen lamp with regret and shame.
We also deeply regret the fact that this summer we didn't do our terminology homework before answering that personals ad. Lesson learned? Any lengthy series of three letter acronyms spells trouble, or at the very least a lot of confusion. No doubt Dr. Kinsey was smiling in his grave. In 1948, the good doctor published his landmark study "Sexuality in the Human Male," and permanently muddied the once-clear waters of sexual perceptions, practices, and orientations. The Kinsey Institute celebrates its 50th anniversary with selected excerpts of the original reports, historical timelines, media clips, and a photographic tour of the Kinsey Sex Research Project. Kiss your compass goodbye, you're going to Kinsey Land.
You'll be pleased to know that we did actually get involved with someone in late June, albeit briefly. We owe a special thanks to Miss Abigail's Time Warp Advice, a terrific site where contemporary dilemmas are resolved with age-old advice. The site's friendly host owns a growing collection of advice books spanning from 1832 to 1977. Ask her a question (example, "What's the right marrying age?" or "What should I do if my family hates my boyfriend?") and Miss Abigail will find a relevant answer from days long gone. It's all fun and interesting. Unfortunately, in the last 150 years very few people have written much about chat room romances and, regretfully, our little affair de coeur with Hot4UinNewJersey ended after just four hours and twenty minutes.
But we could've done so much! If only we'd spent more time outdoors! Just think of all the crisp summer mornings we could've spent in the ocean, swimming with the wild animals of the underwater kingdom. Eating bear claws in front of Regis and Kathie Lee left us feeling a little empty inside. Thankfully, we'll always have vicarious web experiences like the Sea Turtle Satellite Tracking Program, which lets you follow migratory movements of endangered sea turtles as they flip their way through uncharted oceanic territory. Follow Lupita as she bravely heads West into the Pacific, or Spike as he ardently makes his way across Tampa Bay. Then crack open another pack of Ho Hos and call it a day.
Finally, we regret that George Lucas stopped taking our phone calls. Little known fact, but we'd been sending the Big G script ideas for those Star Wars movie prequels coming out soon. For a while things were really on a roll, but then we visited Evan's Star Wars Cinema and--well, things went downhill. Armed with vintage action figures, a Power Macintosh G3, and a Sony camcorder, Evan has been creating his own brand of Star Wars flicks. We fired off a telegram to George listing some of Evan's terrific creations. So many options: There's the Quentin Tarantino version of "Star Wars," or "Godzilla Versus Disco Lando," even "Kung Fu Kenobi." Brilliant, we thought, brilliant. It was just after that when sheriff's deputies delivered the first restraining order. We decided to wait a few days before calling again.
Keep in mind that some things we pulled off with a modicum of success. Take, for example, the time we built that car powered by a mouse trap. To this day we still regret the tragic and all-too-sudden loss of Stanley, our pet mouse. But the more we think about it the more we realize--you've always got to mix the good with the bad, step back and weigh your accomplishments, decide what's important, and, after careful consideration, take your pick(s).
If you know of any timely, informative, or wacky web sites, please drop us a note. Also, feel free to send any general thoughts or comments about Picks.