Welcome to this week's selection of Picks, where we've been spending some time trying to work out our differences. To that end, we've decided to debate some of the issues that are really important to us. Feel free to listen in...
Boxers or Briefs?
Boxers. They're more versatile. Say, for instance, you're trying to follow in the footsteps of author Robert Pelton as he researches and files reports for Dangerous Places. You're stuck in a civil war crossfire in one of Pelton's favorite vacation spots: the Solomon Islands, Afghanistan, or maybe Sudan. In a pinch, crisp white boxers will function very effectively as a rudimentary truce signal. If, however, you try brandishing a pair of briefs attached to a fallen tree branch, chances are pretty good that the locals will misunderstand your ultimate intentions. So, if you're wearing briefs, best to just visit the site and leave the adventure travel to the experts.
No way. Briefs are funny. They break the ice. Make people giggle. And it's humor that brings people together, not well-executed methods of surrender. Take Ted Rall. Here's a guy who doesn't need to wear starchy cotton shorts to feel secure about himself. As a matter of fact, syndicated cartoonist/columnist Rall doesn't need to wear anything--he works from home. But you can bet that if he isn't cavorting around his studio naked as a jaybird, the creator of the "1999 Revenge of the Disgruntled Employee" calendar sure isn't wearing boxers. [Editor's note: Attempts to confirm Mr. Rall's underwear preference resulted in the hasty removal of our persons from the premises.]
Red or Blue?
The answer is screamingly obvious--blue, or as the French say, bleu. Blue is the hue of the heavens, the pigment of the Pacific, the color of choler. Blue, that sublime shade, denotes all that is royal and virtuous and noble. Witness the Palace of Versailles, that magnificent chateau commissioned by the Sun King himself, Louis XIV. Stroll the gardens (blue orchids!), saunter through the dining hall (blue china!), amble along the veranda (blue skies!). As the French say, sacre bleu!
There's no denying that red is the baddest, flyest, sickest color on the block. What color are my dope wraparound shades? Red. What color is my booyah '75 Trans Am? Red. What color are my illin' parachute pants? Red. Just in case you need more convincing, check out Nickel Bag Records, the funkadelic new music label from the Dust Brothers (they've produced albums by Beck, the Beastie Boys, and the Rolling Stones, to name a few). Shimmy to the hip-hop loops and and ponder this: What's Beck's favorite color? Red. Probably.
Manual or Automatic?
There's an old saying in the automotive industry: "It ain't worth $@#% if it ain't got a stick." That's the bottom line. How would you feel if your favorite Odd Rods were all automatic? [Ed. note: these were "crazy cars" featured on 1970s trading cards.] How cool would the bug-eyed mutants look if their hot-rods weren't called "Mad Shifter" and "Speed Sicle," but instead were referred to as "Good Fuel Economy" or "Easy Maintenance"? Not very cool, my friend. Not very cool at all.
Shut up, you stupid Chickenhead! I'm so sick of your attitude. Why don't you go ask Julio Iglesias how to get a date to the prom? Your mother should take charm-school advice from Ken Starr! I hope you choke on a big pack of vintage cigarette ads! [Ed. note: This outburst was followed by several minutes of sobbing and self-recrimination, and then...] I'm sorry. Come here, lemme give you a hug. I didn't mean it. Can I borrow your Palm Pilot?
Words or Pictures?
Pictures. A picture is worth at least thousand words, and the exchange rate keeps going up. Take, for instance, the amazing photojournalism portfolio at the Washington Post's Pictures of the Year. Depicting scenes as varied as psychedelic raves and hospital emergency rooms, each of these photographs speaks volumes. No need for fancy-pants vocabulary or tricky grammatical constructions. Show, don't tell. 'Nuff said.
Notice how many concrete nouns you just used? Transitive verbs? Supporting adjectives? Words are where it's at. Look no further than The Lost Journals of Walt Whitman. These recently recovered notebooks from the famed American poet cover a diverse array of subjects including: Lucretius, Shakespeare, and Spanish literary masterpieces; physique and the science of swimming; the Presbyterian Church in Jamaica, Long Island; notes on Columbus and Lincoln; slavery, democracy and the meaning of America. Or perhaps you'd like to look at some pretty pictures instead.
Well, there you have it, folks. We were going to try to agree to disagree, but so far the voting is running 3-to-1 against. One thing we do agree on: Squirrel Fishing is immoral, yet oddly fascinating. Go figure. Or go fishing. Or just take your pick(s).
If you know of any timely, informative, or wacky web sites, please drop us a note. Also, feel free to send any general thoughts or comments about Picks.