To: Picks Staff
From: Jocko Vanzetti (jocko@pembleton.edu)
Subject: What gives?
Hey! Love the Picks. Keep 'em coming. One question, though: Why do you always point to informative sites? For instance, a couple weeks back you singled out PlanetDiary because it offered "geological, astronomical, meteorological, biological, and environmental news" for the entire planet. You mentioned that users could view current global phenomena via a handy world map, scan the archives by date, or peruse upcoming seasonal and informational milestones on the PlanetDiary calendar. You're always pointing to educational stuff like this, yet you carelessly neglect to include sites about cutting edge issues, like, say, cake recipes. BTW, I hear the International Pie and Pastry Council (IPPC) has a brand new site in the works! I'll email you again when I get the URL. More soon. Your friend, Jocko.
To: Yahoo! Picks Team
From: Colonel Ned Friedlander (email address withheld)
Subject: For Your Eyes Only
Troops, Friedlander here. As you well know, I've been researching acute paranormal behavior since 1974 and recently stumbled upon something quite remarkable. Submitted for your approval: Anomalies, an indepth archive of all things Strange and Unexplained. From Yetis to Pixies to Roswell, this collection of acute paranormal behaviorisms is sure to set the record straight. The gang's all here: the Cottingley Fairies, the Green Children of Banjos, and the infamous Tent Girl. So, spread the good word, team; let's make believers out of everyone! Friedlander out. (Message security protocol: please print out my email address, tear it into little pieces, and eat it.)
To: Yahoo Picks Blokes
From: Keith Talent (phishnchipz@london.co.uk)
Subject: Go Arsenal!
Oy! Keith Talent here from Twickenham. Every Tuesday morning I read your weekly picks over a pint and I think they're absolute rubbish. Cor blimey! A little wit couldn't hurt, mates. Jokes and such. Humor, innit? Anyway I've recently discovered a smashing site called Kim-Chee.Com so have a gander at it you poor sods. Kimchee is that spicy cabbage business from Korea that they sell down at the cornershop. Goes well with chips and lager. Anyway this brilliant site is chock full of recipes and stories and drawings all about Kimchee. There's even a bit about Kimchee trouser stains! This is a ripping site and if you don't like it you can lie down in front of a lorry. Cheers.
To: Picks Team
From: Yahoo! Management (management@yahoo-inc.com)
Subject: Important, please read.
Team, if you're there pick up the phone. You can't avoid us forever. We know it was you who left all the half-eaten chocolates in the "honor box" in the break room. Look, you've been emailing everyone the URL for Name that Candybar, the site where users are asked to identify a candy bar by looking at its cross section. Makes it kind of obvious, don't you think? Besides, security just sent us surveillance videos of the break room for last week, and it's all there. Pick up the phone!
To: Picks Staff
From: Jocko Vanzetti (jocko@pembleton.edu)
Subject: Heads up!
Hi, guys! Jocko here again. I still haven't located the Pastry Council site, but I'm on the lookout, so stay tuned. Anyway, maybe you can answer another quickie question for me: My cat and I have been arguing all day about the origin of the phrase "Heads up!" Mr. Kittles says it comes from New York City, where they've got all those Sky Scrapers. He says that's why you hear people from Wall Street use it a lot. I guess that makes sense. BTW, can you send me my social security number? I lost the combination to my stove. Please reply soon. Your pal, Jocko.
To: Picks of the Week
From: Griselda Muncie (gmuncie@cannedmeat.com)
Subject: A Special Message for You
Please forward this message to 10 friends. Do not break the chain! A dock worker in Galveston broke the chain and three days later he locked his keys inside his truck. You have been warned! An Iowa geometry teacher forwarded the message to 10 friends and less than a year later she received several "seasonal" gifts and a cost-of-living increase at her job! You could be next. Do not break the chain! Dr. Allan N. Bunner didn't break the chain and, as a direct result, he was allowed to create Structure and Evolution of the Universe. Sponsored by NASA's Office of Space Science, the site covers missions and resources designed to help us "understand our cosmic destiny." All I know is: If you break the chain your cosmic destiny will be certain doom. My cousin Ricky broke the chain and now his TV reception is all fuzzy. Do not break the chain! Your humble fan, Zelda.
Well. There you have it. And you thought we picked picks with no more than the suggestions. In the meantime, please, take your picks.