Welcome to this week's selection of Picks, where we've been busy putting the finishing touches on our taxes, as well as scribbling some light verse in honor of National Poetry Month. Unfortunately, in our excitement we inadvertently forwarded our 1040-EZ to the Academy of American Poets and sent the I.R.S. forty pages of haikus. We're hoping that the following can serve as a sort of "heads-up" for Uncle Sam, as well as an indication to the Academy of what our manuscript will contain when it finally arrives:
Sorry we screwed up,
Envelopes can be tricky.
Rainwater glistens.
Well, in any case, we're still going to enjoy National Poetry Month, even if it does bring us massive fines. Of course, that's not the only holiday we're ready to celebrate...
It seems that April is also "National Noble Gases Appreciation" Month. As everyone knows, the noble gases are monatomic and (with limited exceptions) chemically inert, so they don't get out much. That's why we're more than happy to give them a tip o' the hat. Likewise, Mike Sierra gives the noble gases a big shout-out with Flummery Digest, a huge compendium of loopy news articles, bizarre office memos, and offbeat interview transcripts. The archive, dating back to 1990, overflows with all sorts of verbal and written oddities, from Spike Lee bashing the Boston Celtics to William S. Burroughs hawking Nike sneakers. The best part is that no one escapes Sierra's watchful eye. File under: "Open Mouth, Insert Foot."
We're also happy to report that next Saturday and Sunday is indeed "Lesotho Has a Population Density of 68 People per Square Kilometer" Weekend, which of course falls on the heels of "Liechtenstein Has a Larger Newspaper Circulation Than Malta" Day. That can mean only one thing: long weekend! Too bad that "Papua New Guinea Has Been a U.N. Member Since 1975" Day is a full week later, or we could've had four consecutive days off. Oh well, guess we'll just keep plumbing the depths of Infonation -- an easy-to-use database of statistical information about every member state of the United Nations -- for any other forgotten holidays. Bound to find something that'll get us off work.
Speaking of time off, a certain member of our team insists that the first two weeks of April is the annual "Be Kind to Fleas" Fortnight and that all business should cease. We haven't bitten on the idea, but since we're always willing to flaunt our ignorance, we emailed the folks at the American Rare Breed Association to see if they knew anything about the holiday. Their site doesn't really address the matter in any kind of overt fashion, but it does offer the scoop on recognized rare dog breeds, breeders, and show information. After reading about the Peruvian Inca Orchid, the Anglo Francais Tricolor, and the Dogo Argentino, we're thinking the "Flea Festival" is probably a year-long affair. We're sticking with that 'til we hear otherwise.
Although the Surgeon General just declared that April is "Retinal Overload Awareness" Month, we can't seem to pull our eyes away from our flickering screens. The problem? The Laboratory, a computer arts collective at Oxford University specializing in all graphics weird and wonderful. Gasp as thousands of tiny electronic doilies shower across the screen in Martha Fleming's "Rain of Atoms." Stare transfixed at the undulating curtain of eyeballs in David Bickerstaff's "Ubiquity." Pre-millenial tension? Post-apocalyptic vision? Who cares, we just like the pictures.
On April 28, when you and the kids are joyfully observing "Thank God for Bicarbonate of Soda" Day, it might be a good time to look into Bizarre Stuff You Can Make in the Kitchen. A veritable smorgasboard of demented semi-scientific projects, the guide points to messy fun for the whole family. Ever make a hurricane machine? What about fake blood? Stink bombs? They're all here, along with plenty of others. One word of caution: avoid the wondrous glowing pickle. In the words of the site's author, "It will fry you crispier than melba toast if you screw it up." Best to leave that one in the hall closet with the lawn darts and the M-80s, if you know what we mean.
Ever since T.S. Eliot decreed April the cruellest month, cruel people all over the world have celebrated its arrival. For bad folks everywhere, it's just about the best darn time of the year: picnics, parades, the whole nine yards. So, in honor of April's unofficial status as "Be Kind to Cruel People" Month, we proudly present the FBI Freedom Of Information Act Electronic Reading Room. Browse the long-hidden FBI files of questionable folks like John Dillinger, Klaus Barbie, and the Rosenbergs. Find out what the FBI has to say about UFO sightings, the infamous St. Valentine's Day Massacre, or the anti-communist efforts of Elvis. The truth (in PDF format) is out there.
Finally, don't forget that April 30th is the often overlooked observance known as "Hey Hey Paula!" Day. We're not sure of the origins, but traditional rituals include three hours of karaoke (preferably in a bar near an airport) and greeting everyone you meet with a hearty "Hey Paula!" Of course, we prefer to celebrate the occasion in our own quiet way, which usually means poring over the Paula Poundstone site until we've laughed ourselves silly, but hey hey, that's just us. Enjoy the day any way you like. It's up to you, take your pick(s).