THE PIXIE AWARDS!
YAHOO!'S OWN SPECIAL CEREMONY CELEBRATING THE MOST CHARMING AND BEAUTIFUL SITES ON THE WEB (THIS WEEK)!
Good evening and welcome! Thank you for attending tonight's festivities! Let's kick things off with a bang, shall we? Our first Pixie Award, for "Java-Fueled Turbo-Charged Truly Funkadelic Web Design," goes to The Smithsonian Collection's Revealing Things Online Exhibit!... "Thank you. As the Smithsonian's first online exhibit designed exclusively for the Web, I'm not ashamed to say that I look damn fine. Feel free to explore my intriguing collection of antique personal possessions, including chemistry sets, wedding shower dolls, hand puppets, tool chests, and raccoon caps. Read my personal recollections, examine my war era toys, or submit your own favorite knick knack to me. I am truly a virtual treasure trove of knowledge, and I deserved to win."
What a show! We love this town! In the category of "Most Innovative Web-Based Reference," the Pixie goes to Plumb Design Visual Thesaurus!... "Wow! What can I say/express/utter? It's just so overwhelming/intense/consuming. To think that I, a simple thesaurus, powered by Plumb Design's impressive 3-D Java-based Thinkmap engine, could take home such as honor. Wow. Well, I guess this is a victory/triumph/success for all cool, kinetic 3-D database interfaces the world over. Thank God/Jehovah/Zeus/Regis! And thank you too, Mommy!"
Next up the Technical Awards, not broadcast live because they are numerous and deadly boring. Luckily, we have a video clip from the Tech Ceremony, held earlier today at a U-Stor-It facility in Barstow. Roll the clip, please: "For 'Best Web-Based Graphics Effects Generator,' the winner is...WebFX! This outstanding site is being recognized for its achievement in allowing users to create dazzling online images with dozens of cool graphic filters. The effects include embossing, pointillism, and mind-bending animations such as explode, wavey, or the thrilling "double wavey." Hats off to ya, WebFX! The next Technical Award is for 'Best Use of the Blink Tag in a Musical Comedy'..." [Cut to Nicholson reaction shot. Fade to commercial]
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Welcome back to the Pixies. This crowd is on fire! As you all know, the award given in the "Death From Overexposure" category goes to a site which provides the best factual background to a work of historical fiction. The competition wasn't even close. What with all the hoopla surrounding the movie Titanic, this year's hands-down winner is the Smoking Gun's Titanic Files. Read the SOS Messages sent by the ill-fated crew, a scathing diatribe condemning the White Star Line's "wanton and callous disregard for human life," and eyewitness testimonies. Titanic takes the cake.
It's time for a very special moment, ladies and gentlemen. The hallowed Lifetime Achievement Pixie goes to... Women in American History! "Wow! First off, we need to say to the folks back home, 'Don't take any BS from anyone!' Whew. Okay, all right. This is unreal. We just were not expecting to win. Still, we knew we didn't need Sandra Bullock or Sharon Stone when we had Maya Angelou, Gloria Steinem, Emily Dickinson (love ya, babe!), and hundreds of other famous women from 1600 to the present. And let's not forget the audio and QuickTime video clips. So thank you, famous women, and thank you Silicon Valley -- where dreams go to be put on 15-inch computer screens!"
Moving right along, the much-coveted Pixie awarded for "Best Online Music Site to Make Full Use of Zulu Singing in RealAudio" goes to none other than QRadio, otherwise known as Quincy Jones' World Music Experience. QRadio offers streaming audio from a number of South Africa's top radio stations, and news covering the country's vibrant musical scene. Catch up with Ladysmith Black Mambazo, the a cappella mbube choir currently wrapping up a smash U.S. tour. Be sure to stop by for a full account of what's new in South Africa's colorful musical landscape. Yebo!
Our final Pixie, awarded for "Fascinating Story in a Nonfiction Genre," goes to Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl, written by Linda Brent, aka Harriet Jacobs. You'll find an amazing story here, written in the last century and told by a woman who did not learn she was a slave until she was six years old. From the first chapter, Childhood, to the conclusion, Free at Last, Ms. Jacobs transports us to a time and place we shall not soon forget. This is a powerful, firsthand account of a part of America's history. Do not pass it up. Do not take it lightly. But do take your Pixies.