Ladies and gentlemen, this week, in lieu of our regular feature, we are honored to present the annual State of the Web Address, a tradition dating back to early 1998. This formal address is mandated in Article XXXII, Paragraph IV of the Yahoo! Charter:
IV. In the first week of February of each year, the men and/or women who write Yahoo! Picks of the Week shall address the State of the Web. They shall then check the copier for paper jams.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the authors of Picks of the Week...
"Thank you. Thank you. Thanks. Uh huh. Okay. Settle down. Great. Thanks. Please. Thank you. Ahem... Four score and seven years ago---actually, wait. It was really only about four years ago. Four or five. Anyway, a few years ago, the Web was brought forth upon this network, conceived in CERN and dedicated to the proposition that "all IP addresses are created equal." Take for instance the selfless efforts of one William Coupon, photographer, patriot, webmaster. Citizen Coupon's images -- striking photographs that capture the "tribes, dolls, faces and places" of our world -- are available online in all their digitized splendor. From Norwegian Lapplanders to Australian Aboriginals, Photographer-General C. Everett Coupon has forever immortalized the people of our planet.
To continue Coup's legacy, we need put away the divisive politics of old and build a bridge to the future. A bridge that is strong. A bridge that is lasting. A bridge made out of metal. For a bridge made out of paper or plastic would not be a strong bridge, and anyone trying to cross it might plummet into whatever the bridge was built over. No, metal is definitely the way to go. And this bridge must reach out to all people. To the French. To the Chinese. To the Canadians. And certainly to the Cubans. Especially since the Latin American Network Information Center recently unveiled the Castro Speech Databases, which consists of the leader's articles, speeches, and remarks from 1958 to 1996. Such documents are from the records of the U.S. Foreign Broadcast Information Service, and can be searched by keyword, decade, or year in both Spanish and English. As Castro said himself at the end of a 1993 interview "I do own some formal clothing, ties and so on." Let this be our rallying cry.
Of course, we must also remain ever vigilant for new Web sites relating to the upcoming Winter Games in Nagano, Japan, which, while not specifically Internet-related, is still something we can all watch and enjoy and merchandise. For the first time, all people -- young and old, rich and poor, good-looking and average-looking -- can follow this spectacle on the Web. Children too can participate by clicking around the U.S. Olympic PBS Cyber School. Youngsters can read up on a variety of winter sports, from figure-skating to snowboarding, and then take a turn at solving various quizzes and puzzles related to the games. Discover how center of gravity affects skiers, or learn the technical criteria that judges uses in the figure skating events. In the immortal words of Thomas Jefferson: "This, my fellow Netizens, is one kick-ass site."
Today, as we look around the Internet, we see success, we see change, we see lots of "Under Construction" banners. International fame is within the reach of anyone who has the initiative to set sail on the vast uncharted waters of the Net. Consider, if you will, the achievement of Magnus Larsson, creator of a site about The Warship Vasa, a Swedish vessel built in 1628 that sank on her maiden voyage. The site tells the sad story of this enormous ship, with asides about the history and politics of the time. It both engrossed and enlightened us, and we've got our fingers crossed that Leonardo DiCaprio stars in the movie version.
Netizens, we say to you: "Let there be Internet connection in every living room!" Or dining room, or bedroom, or wherever you keep your computer. Let every home have access to sites such as The African American Journey, a "comprehensive look at the history of African Americans and their struggle for freedom in honor of Black History Month." Read about everything from the Civil Rights movement to Reconstruction to the Civil War and the slave trade. The feature also focuses on such important figures and institutions as Harriet Tubman, Martin Luther King, Jr. and the NAACP.
Above all, let us not forget the mistakes of the past. The Net, despite its extraordinary success, has had its share of controversy. For example, there was the whole "Read my lips: no nude Texans" promise that everyone misconstrued so terribly. Still, with the help of supportive watchdog groups such as the EFF, the PMRC, and the ASPCA, we should be able to make constructive changes in the way the Web does business. Hopefully, in the very near future, we can outlaw Web lampoons such as Matt Neuman's Drudge Report Parody, thus ridding the Information Superhighway of thousands of hours of needless chortling. Let us pledge to work together towards this lofty goal.
Fellow Netizens, we urge each and every one of you to go home tonight, put on a Miles Davis record, and chill out. We would go with Birth of the Cool, but anything before 1960 will do. We also suggest you check out Herman Leonard's Images of Jazz, an outstanding gallery of black and white photographs that features all the greats: Chet Baker, Nat King Cole, Billie Holiday, Bud Powell, and many others. These photographs will soothe your troubled soul and help put things in perspective. God bless America.
Finally, we are deeply concerned with the global threat of trite diction. Clarity is under attack, and tired symbolism threatens to corrode lucid thought into a semiotic miasma of uncertainty and confusion. Fortunately, we've found a means of combatting this pernicious menace. You'll notice that our speech, and this paragraph in particular, stands refreshingly free of weary metaphors and stale diction. The reason? Alta Vista's handy Translation Service. By translating this paragraph into French then back into English, we have imbued our language with a whimsical, devil-may-care tone that both delights and communicates effectively. Merci-vous very much."
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