Welcome, welcome, welcome to Picks! Boy, are we glad to be here. You see, after thoroughly immersing ourselves in Computer Life Online's Cocooning Journals, the daily musings of a travel writer who was challenged to spend ten days alone in his apartment with no external stimulation but the Web, we were similarly ordered, er, challenged, by our boss to spend a whole week away from the Internet. So while Jeff Greenwald had the great pleasure of downloading cartoons, participating in chats, listening to RealAudio concerts, and ordering groceries online, we were forced to actually leave our terminals. Thus, what follows is the grim chronicle of your sweet, innocent editorial team taking its first tentative steps offline, into a world where Amazon.com, the Internet Movie Database, and GeoCities home pages are as remote and unattainable as Mars, Pluto, or a concisely worded introduction.
Day 1
We're hurtling across the windswept plains of Manitoba in a rusty pick-up, searching for the magic and wonder that is Canada. So far it's looking pretty bleak, but at least we've got a decent mixed tape. Before we were forcibly removed from our work stations, we managed to sneak a look at Jim Januszewski's The Art and Science of the Mixed Tape, which pays homage to this proud and venerable art form with an introductory FAQ, an archive of submitted play lists, and a great taxonomy of mixed-tape genres. Jim sums it up: "If you have ever killed an afternoon making a mix and then spent the evening making a cover for your mix and then mailed a copy off to a friend after having made a copy for yourself, well, this is the site for you." Favorite genres include the Road Mix, the Party Mix, and the Crush Mix. Still, can a mere tape hold up to RealAudio? Wethinks not.
Day 2
We continued our Internet exile by jetting to Paris. Surely, the City of Lights would take our minds off of URLs and animated GIFs. We lunched at Le Cafe Marly and then visited the Louvre. They've got some nice paintings, but there's a lot of troublesome walking from room to room. The entire time we were gazing at the Mona Lisa, we couldn't help but wonder what it would look like in 256 colors at 640 by 480 resolution. Could we maybe filter out those pesky brushstrokes? Ah well, the Louvre just doesn't compare to The J. Paul Getty Museum web site, where you can view samples from their permanent collection without lifting your derriére. Sure, you might want to visit the museum's lavish new home in the Santa Monica hills. You might want to wander through the stunning architecture of the Getty Center and see the artifacts in person. But just be patient, those urges will inevitably pass...
Day 3
It's a glorious sunset over the Maldives...but those clouds could use some mauve highlights. And the waves need some texture mapping. We could also lose some of those mountains. If only we could use some of those hot CGI animators we've read about over at Visual Magic, the Web's premiere venue for special and digital effects news. Visual Magic features inside scoops on the latest Hollywood dazzlers, animation software reviews, cool f/x links, and handy program tutorials. For the Fangoria crowd, VM also offers an array of articles on make-up effects, prosthetics, and creature design. How did the arm come out of that guy's head in C.H.U.D.? How did they make Brando look so svelte in Dr. Moreau? How many more days before we can get back to our alt.shared-reality.startrek.klingon newsgroup?!?
Day 4
All this staring at three-dimensional images is giving us a headache. How do people live like this? Oh, Brave New Offline World! If only we could access the cutting edge technology evoked in Innovation, the companion site to the PBS TV Series. Innovation features "the latest in ground-breaking biomedical treatments and research," including original articles and neato animations. Read about the birth of Emma Ott, conceived in a test-tube using the biological material of not two but three adults. Learn about the latest advances in treating stroke, hip fractures, and Parkinson's Disease. Or take a spin through the Deep Brain Simulator. But enough for now. We can hardly enjoy anything when we're thinking about all the chatroom conversations we're missing. Oh Viper, Joeystudmuffin, UltraVixen310, where are you when we need you?
Day 5
Cannot take ONE MORE MINUTE of lounging on this Tahitian beach! The sunlight, the gently lapping ocean...it's so passé! Must try to escape. We need to continue our in-depth perusal of War Comix, a feature from the online magazine Feed. War Comix discusses how comic strips responded to and reflected war efforts in WWII, Vietnam, and Korea, as well as the Cold War and the conflicts of the Nineties. In fact, it asserts that "the symbiosis of words and images...that is endemic to the comics finds itself played out in electronic and digital media." Ah, comics -- the closest thing literature has to Shockwave presentations. If only they were easily emailed to friends and coworkers...
Day 6
Back at home. Can't seem to get going today. Miss happy glow of monitor. Tried seven times to hit "Reload" on alarm clock. Lethargic. Index finger atrophied from lack of clicking. Hearing things. Swore that Regis was speaking in modem-connection tones. Kathie Lee keeps repeating "You've got mail!" Need cold compress. Uh oh, the hallucinations are coming again. The microwave looks just like Words and Deeds in American History, the new online collection from the Library of Congress. Eeks! The kitchen window is scrolling. It's showing a copy of George Washington's first inaugural address. Toasted English muffin clearly displays Alexander Graham Bell's sketched design for the telephone. Just going to curl up here on the floor now....
Day 7
This must end! If we could only have a taste of multimedia, a sip of HTML...a few moments to vote on the Most Hideous Necktie, or a fraction of a second to Attack Barney. Thank goodness it will soon be midnight and we'll be able to return to our beloved terminals! Reality or virtual reality -- it's no contest for us, but as for you, take your pick(s).
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