Welcome to Picks. Weekly Picks. Not sure if you've noticed, but our man Bond is back with a whole slew of leggy supermodels, bald villains, and perhaps more importantly, nifty stuff. Now we like our vodka martinis as much as the next fan, but lately we've been having problems figuring out when the movie finishes and the advertisement begins. Sure, we've heard of product placement, but "Tomorrow Never Dies" looks a bit like a chase scene through the Sharper Image catalog. Taking our cue from the 007 marketing juggernaut, we proudly present the Web's finest...
Watch by Patek Philippe
Cruising through Tuscany in his Z3 Beemer, Bond decides to check his watch. This is no ordinary watch. It's a Patek Philippe. "No super-spy worth his license to kill would be caught dead wearing just any piece-of-crap watch," Bond observes. "Take for instance the Patek Phillipe web site, Concerning Time, a volcanic fireball of multimedia that features some of the biggest names in literature, art, and history, all chiming in on the subject of time. There's Doctor Johnson and his diabolical definitions of chronological terms. The ancient Mayans with their handy Shockwave Julian-to-Mayan calendar converter. And finally: the most infamous member of Philippe's gang of thugs, 'The Bard,' and his deadly 104th Sonnet. Damn, this is a great watch."
Vodka by Smirnoff
Supping on the Monaco Ritz veranda, Bond decides to order a martini. Not just any martini. A Smirnoff martini. Shaken, not stirred. "You couldn't relax like this during wartime," Bond says aloud to no one in particular, "Civilians as well as soldiers had to remain alert at all times. Why, during the Second World War the United States government issued a wide array of propaganda posters designed to inspire and motivate citizens, as well as raise hatred and suspicion of the enemy. These posters used their Powers of Persuasion to encourage women to work and men to enlist. In fact, 'persuading the American public became a wartime industry, almost as important as the manufacturing of bullets and planes.'" Bond pauses briefly to takes another sip of smooth Smirnoff vodka. "Once enlisted, a soldier might expect to send and receive warm, encouraging letters such as those found in the collection of Private Art. This ever-growing mass of missives provides an intimate view of an Army soldier's growth and revelations during wartime. Ah, this martini hits the spot."
Hot Chocolate by Nestlé
Snuggling under his warm and cozy Spiderman comforter, wearing his Where's Waldo nightshirt, Bond decides to fix himself a hot chocolate. A Nestlé Quick hot chocolate. With marshmallows. "Murder, poisoning, betrayal, illicit love -- all in a day's work for a government agent," Bond muses aloud, putting the kettle on. "But not necessarily expected in the life of a young society maiden, especially not in the demure nineteenth century. Yet this was the fate of 22-year-old Madeleine Hamilton Smith, the central character in Scotland's celebrated 1850s murder trial. Did she put arsenic in her lover's cocoa? Was she framed? What of the new evidence uncovered 140 years after her trial? Read witness testimonies, family histories, and bios of the central players in the drama. Mmm, this hot chocolate is yummy."
Young Adult Fiction by Judy Blume
Casually browsing through a local public library's young adult section, Bond decides to leaf through a book. A Judy Blume book. "You won't find anything about Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing or Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret in the Columbia Journalism Review," Bond chuckles to himself, "but the nation's oldest journalism publication is now online, with twice weekly updates and a searchable archive that dates back to 1992. There's a lot of fascinating media analysis, including a 1996 feature about online journalism titled 'A Tour of Our Uncertain Future' and the more recent cover story, 'Will Gates Crush Newspapers?' You'll also find book reviews, letters to the editor, and Darts and Laurels, a brief look at the good, the bad, and the ugly in contemporary journalism. Gosh, that Fudge character sure is a card."
Bright Orange Arm Floaties by Hasbro
Bobbing up and down in the St. Moritz Hilton kiddy pool, spitting a long arc of water out of his mouth, Bond admires his new arm floaties. Hasbro arm floaties. With Barney on them. "These things sure help keep me afloat," Bond giggles to himself. "Of course I could probably learn more about buoyancy and gravitational forces on PhysLINK. It's a comprehensive resource for physicists and physics students alike. The PhysLINK reference section includes links to equations, online periodic tables, nuclear and particle physics resources, and of course, Fundamental Physical Constants pages. Not to mention physics journals, newsletters, and publishers. Anyone up for a game of Marco Polo?"
So there you have it. We'd like to thank Patek Philippe, Smirnoff, Nestlé, Judy Blume, and Hasbro for sponsoring our content. We'd also like to thank Ian Fleming for creating a fantastic advertising vehicle. Next week, Little Dorritt test drives the new Ford Explorer. As for you, take your pick(s).
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