And now a word from Yahoo! management:
Hello everyone. The Picks staff is on a long overdue vacation (spending lots of time Sleeping in Airports, no doubt). Therefore it's time once again to roll out the ever-popular Best of Picks of the Week, where we reach into the vault and revisit classic Picks from as far back as the 12th century. So please, make yourself comfortable, pull up a keyboard, and indulge in these timeless tidbits from long ago. And remember, our editorial team will be back next week with a brand new list of what's "cool" on the Web. Don't forget to come back and say hello!
January 3, 1976
Hi! A big, hearty bearhug of a welcome to this week's Picks. It's a brand new year, which can only mean one thing--it's time for "Picks Predicts!" First off, this nutty "disco" dance craze. Our take: going nowhere. We even hear there's going to be a disco movie starring, get this, the guy who plays Vinnie Barbarino on "Welcome Back, Kotter." Look for the film to bomb and for young Mr. Travolta to recede back into megastar Gabe Kaplan's shadow. 'Nuff said. Second prediction: online trivia games are going to be big! Visit Trivial Net and Trivial Pursuit to see what we mean. At the former you get a chance to answer ten questions relating to these ultra-modern "personal computers." At the latter, the topics are mellower, with questions ranging from science to history to entertainment. The rumor mill says that a board-game version of Trivial Pursuit is coming out soon. Seems like a weird way to go, what with parlor-table powerhouses like "The Waltons Game" and "Shindig" still on the shelves...
October 18, 1968
Hey man, welcome to this week's bag. First up is a totally trippy groove-a-thon starring our favorite Swedish supersquare, Ingmar Bergman. Even if you're more in touch with "The Mod Squad" than the "The Seventh Seal," you'll still dig the crazy essays, clips, and photos that make The Films of Ingmar Bergman such a cool scene. Sure, not every movie from the big Ing is right-on, but we'll melt our entire collection of Iron Butterfly records if at least one or two of these flicks isn't still happenin' when there's a hippy Prez squattin' in the House of White. In-A-Gadda-Da-Website, baby!
July 3, 1952
And now, Sal's Donuts and Brillcream Emporium presents "Your Weee-kly Picks." Here's that one-man laugh-out-loud knee-slapping riot of stage and screen, Mr. Funnybone himself: Joe E. Allen! "Good evening ladies and germs. You know, ordinarily I like to yuck it up, but there's something serious on my mind this week. There's a dark cloud hanging over America, and it's sapping the vitality from our precious nation. Still not convinced? Then send the kids out of the room and prepare yourself for Radio Tower. This `web site' is warping the minds of young Americans by linking to radio stations of countries like Croatia, Sri Lanka, and Boston. And if that weren't enough, our nation's youth is being coerced by these agents of anarchy into listening to so-called `Rock and Roll' from around the world, including --and are you ready for this John and Jane Q. Public?-- MOSCOW!!! So remember: stay vigilant, practice good hygiene, and use the Internet only for sports scores and stock quotes. And now, a word from our sponsors."
September 15, 1942
Good evening Mr. and Mrs. America and all the ships at sea! Welcome to this week's selection of picks. It's time to bid farewell to the gallant Picks men who have gone off to fight the war in Europe. Those of us left behind must remember our boys at the front and do our best to support them. Plant victory gardens! Ration and recycle! Buy war bonds! And remember: we women are a crucial part of the war effort, capable of doing amazing things. We are teachers, volunteers, baseball players, and much more. Imagine the detailed, engaging stories we will all be able to tell many years from now when a young person looks up and asks, "What did you do in the war, Grandma?"
September 22, 1942
SOMEWHERE IN THE NORTH ATLANTIC--Hello Yahoos back home STOP Welcome to Picks Overseas STOP Can't reveal our whereabouts STOP Just wanted to drop a line letting you know we're okay STOP Been reading a great deal about U-boats STOP Don't ask STOP Makes us nervous just thinking about them STOP Have even sworn off submarine sandwiches STOP Site has photographs STOP Statistics STOP And information on torpedoes GULP Hope you get a charge out of it STOP Got to go now STOP Wireless operator is giving us das boot STOP
April 9, 1912
Welcome to this week's selection of Picks, where we're having a hull of a good time in Southampton, England, waiting to set sail for America. Our vacation has gone swimmingly well, but now with sinking hearts we realize we must return to work. And so, we've booked passage on the Titanic, undoubtedly the most luxurious ocean liner in the world. We leave tomorrow for France, then Ireland, then on to New York; in the meantime we've been perusing a web site that captures the grand unsinkable ship in all her glory. On deck is a sequence of rather modern pictures showing the lavish interior of the Titanic, including a first class cabin and lounge, a grand staircase, Turkish baths, and the wireless room. There's also a passenger list and ship statistics, but that's only the tip of the iceberg; you'll have to explore the site to see the rest yourselves. So, until New York, then... (Note to self: should learn how to swim upon returning home.)
December XIX, in the Year of Our Lord, 1773
In as much as the time approaches to issue a welcome to picks, we gather ourselfs to greet you heartily. Hail and well met. For we understand that a proper greeting bespeaks not only manners but breeding, and without such niceties social interaction becomes tawdry and base. In such times as these, when ruffians fling tea into the Boston Harbor and soldiers walk in our midst, we need screen carefully our salutations, for they must represent us well. Yet occasionally an inappropriate address may hold amusement. For examples of such, shall we say, discarded missives, sojourn to Funny But No..., an assemblage of humorous, yet sadly, inappropriate greeting cards.
Labor Day, 1147
Sorry for the lack of picks this week. There's a nasty headcold floating around the office that's wiped out a third of the editorial staff. It's all very frustrating. We've been through brain fevers, spinal spasms, boils n' goiters, and demons-in-the-belly, but this bug is persistent. We've slathered ourselves with leeches, piled on the goat hoof poultices, chugged all the bog water we can stomach, but nothing seems to work. You'd think we were living in the Middle Ages around here. The "black headcold" seems to be going around -- does anyone have any suggestions? Symptoms include itching, general uneasiness, more itching, intense discomfort, big-time pustulation, then death. The fiefdom doctor has prescribed a health shake of crushed earthworms and rat hair, but it doesn't seem to do much other than tickle our throats a little. Maybe we need to step up the witch burnings....
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