Postal Inspector
This Halloween, why not go postal? Everyone loves getting mail, and you'll be the life of the party in your blue gabardine shorts and black knee socks, delivering Halloween scare packages to one and all. Add a clip-on tie and frolic through the neighborhood as the Post Office's equivalent to James Bond -- a postal inspector! Trick: Learn to identify the all latest collectible stamps, from Ayn Rand to Xtreme Sports. Treat: You'll get admiring glances from shipping clerks, the lovelorn, and Golden Retrievers.
Pile O' Dirt
It's a classic, elegant look that takes only minutes to prepare. Just cover yourself with as much dirt as possible, hunker down in a fetal position, and don't talk to anyone. Take inspiration from Three Acres of Houston, an ongoing ecological exhibit featuring hundreds of photographs and descriptions of the plants, animals, and fungi that live on a small chunk of land in Houston, Texas. Trick: Plant a Begonia in your navel. Treat: To vary your look, just add water and -- voila! -- you're a mud puddle.
Dapper Silver-Haired Television Host
You've seen Bill Kurtis on such hit A&E shows as American Justice, Inside Story, and The Unexplained. You've been captivated by his suave demeanor and stentorian voice. Now it's time to live the legend. As Bill Kurtis, you'll wow the crowd with your keen intellect, journalistic savvy, and prudent fashion sense. For wardrobe hints, refer to Bill Kurtis, a tribute to this ubiquitous television personality. Trick: Hang out with real-life Mafia dons and don't get capped. Treat: Girls, girls, girls.
Three-Headed Knight
Immortalized in the classic comedy Monty Python and the Holy Grail, this costume is easily constructed with a king-size bed sheet, five rolls of aluminum foil, and two mannequin heads. Finish the ensemble with an African swallow on one shoulder and a dead parrot on the other. Trick: You'll never be alone at the Halloween party. Treat: You can quickly end boring conversations by yelling "And now for something completely different!"
Number Six Billion
Think big! The world's population recently hit six billion, which means we're in danger of depleting our natural resources and ultimately destroying our environment. But don't let that get you down -- there's candy to be had! A blankie and a bottle are all you need to masquerade as the recently hatched "Human Being Number Six Billion." Trick: Fill your bottle with one part formula, two parts gin. Treat: While everyone's worrying about the population explosion, you'll be counting your Bit O' Honeys.
Confounded Screenwriter
This costume consists of an antique typewriter, unkempt facial hair, and a healthy dose of artistic despair. Inspired by the short film George Lucas in Love on MediaTrip.com, it combines the classic mythology of Star Wars with the ribald chicanery of Shakespeare in Love. Trick: Slip the phrase "methinks the Wookiee doth protest too much" into casual conversation. Treat: Knock on enough doors in Hollywood and you may end the night with a lucrative three-movie deal.
Micromachine
Next time you miss a friend's Halloween bash, don't take any grief for flaking out. Tell them you did attend, just cunningly disguised as a microscopic robot! Sure, they'll doubt you at first, but once you drop some serious MicroElectroMechanical Science on them, they won't be able to hold a grudge. Trick: Design a complex, functioning microengine to power your costume. Treat: Terrorize spider mites by flying up their noses.