Penn Powerserve Tennis Balls 
reviewed by Janky the Orangutan
As an avid dung thrower, I'm always looking for things to hurl -- mushy bananas, dazed beta males, or in this case, the new Penn Powerserve Tennis Balls. After emptying the canister, I immediately placed it in my mouth. It tasted a little like a pizza box, only a bit tangier. When I began testing the balls, I found them to be exceptionally bouncy -- much like the resilient flesh of my trainer. Over the past week, I've hurled hundreds of balls at him, and even when they strike him square in the head, the balls come back without a scratch or blemish. An exceptional tennis ball!
Land Rover Discovery
reviewed by Rocko the Baboon
I've been in the market for an SUV ever since I was tranquilized, netted, caged, and flown thousands of miles in a cargo plane alongside a stolen cache of African tribal art. Sure, I was scared, but it was worth it when I got my first look at the glorious four-wheel-drive vehicle that delivered me to my new home in a major metropolitan zoo. In fact, I test-rode in several different makes and models, and there was absolutely no contest -- the Discovery is the vehicle for this ape. Comfortable seats, plenty of headroom, and lots of cup-holders. Two opposable thumbs up!
Magellan Handheld GPS
reviewed by Sneaky Pete the Marmoset
I'm a correspondent for Amnesty International, which means I spend a lot of time deep in the bush, researching primate rights issues all around the world. It also means I need a reliable Global Positioning System in order to tell one jungle from the next. Once, I mistook Bolivia for Paraguay and accused the wrong country of having a serious police brutality problem. But never again -- the Magellan unit I tested worked great and I would recommend it enthusiastically to any and all simian adventure travellers.
Sega Dreamcast
reviewed by Misty the Lion-tailed Macaque
Need an exciting diversion on a rainy afternoon? Sega's new Dreamcast Game System has a lot to offer, not to mention a stellar line-up of software titles -- from the obligatory Sonic the Hedgehog game to the brain-busting Planetarium mystery. My one complaint? Sega has once again dropped the banana by not including any titles aimed at the game-thirsty primate demographic. Nintendo had Donkey Kong and Sony recently unveiled the delightful Ape Escape. Drop the hedgehog, fellas! Go ape.
A Star Called Henry by Roddy Doyle
reviewed by Bippy the Bonobo Ape
As a frisky young simian in the cloud forests of Rwanda, I eagerly devoured Roddy Doyle's acclaimed Barrytown Trilogy: The Commitments, The Snapper, and The Van. So when I heard that the Irish scribe had a new novel coming out, I was salivating with anticipation! The result, I'm pleased to report, was well worth the wait. The dust jacket was a delectable appetizer, while the hardcover binding, garnished with a handful of rotting orange rinds, proved especially sumptious. Over 350 pages of soft, pulpy pages had me yearning for more. What a fantastic book! Don't wait for the paperback -- tuck in!
Fly by Dixie Chicks
reviewed by Charlie Chuckles the Chimpanzee
From the blues-infused opener "Ready to Run" to the rockabilly barnburner "Sin Wagon," the latest album from country music's phenomal Dixie Chicks has this chimp a-grinning. There's no doubt that this trio of hard-picking, boot-stomping ladies will be keeping us country-music-lovin' pongids happy for a long time. Is that George Strait scampering for cover? Do I see Garth Brooks running with his tail between his legs? This Dallas Trio has made one smitten monkey out of me. The next time you see me screeching and twitching and banging my head against the bars, you'll know why!
3Com Palm VII Connected Organizer
reviewed by Koko the
Gorilla
Koko tired. Tired. Nap time. Kitten? Where kitten friend? Where All Ball? Koko thirsty. Apple drink. Where apple drink? What? New black hard toy? Not All Ball. Hit! Hit! Hit black hard toy! Where All Ball? Hit! Koko break black hard toy. Koko sad. Where All Ball? Koko broke All Ball? All-Ball gone? Koko angry! Apple drink! Bad man no give Koko apple drink! Koko eat broken black hard toy. Koko sad. Where All Ball?