Shredders, grinders, and skygods have descended on San Francisco to thrash it out at the 1999 Summer X Games. As the athletes wreak havoc on San Francisco piers and streets, another more placid competition is taking place in Sweden. The 281st Blid Idrottstävling (translation: "Mild Athletic Competition") is currently underway, and although it lacks the speed, danger, and extremeness of the X Games, the events have their own special ambiance.
Art Gallery Amble
The Amble relies heavily on the competitors' attitude and aesthetic knowledge, rather than their speed or strength. Athletes meander from art gallery to art gallery, occassionally stopping for cheese, olives, or a glass of chablis. If and when the Art Walkers decide to stop and study a piece, a judge might happen by and ask the athlete a question such as "Does color affect the mood of the work?" or "What is the relationship between this subject and contemporary historical events?" The answers matter little--Art Walkers are judged only on movement, costume, and relative sobriety.
Macramé Derby
Always a fan favorite, the Macramé Derby is a fiercely competitive event that takes place in a warm, comfy living room. After the starter pistol fires, the competitors roll up their sleeves, steep their tea, and the race is on to weave a "dainty" pot holder. While the Brazilians are the odds-on favorites to win this year, the German delegation boasts Juergina Herdegen, winner of last year's All-Europe Bitchin' Stitchin' Blow Out. What's her secret? "The undying love of my cutie-pie cat Mr. Chompers--you can find him at Cat Scan, a unique feline picture gallery."
Chortling
Some closed-minded traditionalists claim that the ancient art of chortling is not actually a competitive sport. Of course, you'll never see those same naysayers get up and laugh bemusedly in front of 50,000 screaming fans. This year's favorite is once again the team from Kuala Lumpur, whose lilting musical laughter has consistently garnered near-perfect scores. Their only serious challenge will come from a group of upstart chucklers from Alva, Oklahoma, who train at the local hardware store by reading syndicated humorist Dave Barry. Good luck, Alvans, you'll need it! (Hee hee.)
Nap-A-Thon
Totally psyched to put their snoozing skills to the test, this year's Nap-A-Thoners are armed with regulation jammies and fuzzy blankets. After chugging a glass of warm milk, the contestants proceed to sleep for a seriously long time--upwards of three hours in some cases. To help them saw toothpicks, the Argentines plan to browse Object Not Found, a dreamlike collection of anonymous letters, postcards, and photographs.
Sticker-Collection Cage Match
The gang's all here: My Little Pony, Sailor Moon, Pokemon, Baby Muppets, Scratch n' Sniff Snoopy, and many more. In this year's competition, sticker wranglers must present their collections before an international judging committee, explaining the various merits of each sticker: coolness, awesomeness, shininess, puffiness, etc. Contestants may also be asked to sing a short song, impersonate their most beloved sticker character, or pick their favorite historical exhibit from the Library and Archival Exhibitions on the Web, a gargantuan index of online resources. To crown a champion, the top three contestants compete in a Rock-Paper-Scissors round-robin tournament.
Three-Card Monte
The Dutch have been particularily strong in this event, which pits competitors against each other in a test of memory and patience. Taking place in a make-shift dark alley, the event begins with competitors purifiying the cards by tossing salt on them. A frenzy of action ensues, with cards flying around at impressive speeds. It's believed the Dutch breed success because of their mild-manneredness, acute recollection, and an intensive training regimen that includes several hours a day at the Schwatown Midway, a collection of virtual carnival games.
Counting
One of the original "Not-So-Extreme Games," counting has found a wide audience all over the globe due to the popularity of classic speed events like the "1-to-50 Dash" and "12-to-1200 By Twelves." This year, to celebrate the 100,000th day of the sport's existence (its 100th Decimal Birthday), there will be an exciting new long-distance event. The "4 x 1-to-1000 Relay" will showcase teams of nimble-tongued counters in a race to the classic four-digit decimal milestone: 1000.
Aging Gracefully
While the games are steeped in tradition, they are also open to change. In upcoming years, look for more "high drama, low pressure" events to be added to the schedule. Rumor has it that the next addition will be the grueling "10,000-Year Countdown," in which entire cultures attempt to construct clocks, calendars, and historical archives for 10 milleniums. Read more about the event at The Long Now Foundation, and then start training for its exciting Blid Idrottstävling debut!