Ostensibly a cooking resource for amateur chefs, Messy Gourmet offers an array of gadget profiles, kitchen trivia tidbits, stain removal tips, and unique recipes. This supposedly cheerful forum, intended for at-home cooks who "like to have FUN with their food," is in fact rife with prurient definitions of cookware utensils. For example, a whisk "has an axially elongated handle and a plurality of resilient wire to stir elements mounted in fixed position." A masher is a "kitchen utensil designed to crush a food (such as cooked potatoes) into a smooth, evenly textured mixture." Thus, it is banned forever!
The Science Behind The X-Files
A seemingly informative hub for X-Files fans, this site purports to explore the scientific concepts behind the popular television program. Topics covered include artificial intelligence, forensic entomology, voiceprint spectrographic analysis, and the Human Genome Project. All fine and good, correct? Incorrrect. Other topics covered (though not publicized) include cockroach decapitation, microwave incineration of biological waste, tattoo guns, transorbital lobotomies, maggot infestation, and toxic body fumes. Thus, it is banned forever!
Masquerading as a simple album of user-submitted images, PhotoQuilt entices unsuspecting viewers to browse a huge virtual canvas of personal snapshots. Zoom in, zoom out, read descriptions of submitted photos, search by genre (families, pets, nature, etc.) or keyword. Then just when you think you've seen it all--whammo!--you realize that you can also upload your own photographic contribution to the quilt. The site is clearly a cynical ploy to ensnare susceptible young minds into a dangerous cult of personal expression. Thus, it is banned forever!
Billed as "the Internet's premier historical baseball reference source," the site is a huge compendium of team and individual statistics from the great American pastime. Look up how many times Mark McGwire struck out in 1992. See how many triples the Bambino hit in 1929. Recount the inning-by-inning score of the 1953 World Series. Unfortunately, this powerful archival record is obviously intended to encourage illicit gambling by web-savvy Little Leaguers. Thus, it is banned forever!
At first glance, this British museum directory seems to be an educational "gateway to museums, galleries and heritage," boasting over 2,000 listings in its database. It features such august institutions as the British Museum and the National Portrait Gallery. An innocent, invaluable cultural resource? Hardly. The museum roster also includes the Abby Pumping Station, Anne of Cleves Museum, the Roman Baths of Abbey, D.H. Lawrence's Birth Place, Gunnersby Hall of Rural Practices, the Horniman Gardens, and a special exhibit entitled "Hands On Hastings." Need we say more? Thus, it is banned forever!
Claiming to be "the Internet's best sound clip trivia game," the site lures web surfers with the promise of "fun," "excitement," and a "chance to win a Trivia Bytes T-Shirt!" While it is entertaining to puzzle over the sources of great movie lines like, "Never underestimate the power of the Schwartz," the game quickly devolves into black magic and sorcery, using clips from TV shows such as I Dream of Jeannie and Bewitched. Thus, in the names of Larry Hagman and Dick York, it is banned forever!
Uncensored All-Nude Teen Stick Figures
The call for the eternal banishment of this satirical and outwardly innocent site may seem unwarranted. Nude stick-figure advocates will undoubtedly defend the site by pointing out that there is no actual nudity. We will not argue this fact. The site, however, is replete with offensive and lewd material--take Bill, confident and masculine, who enjoys eating, or the Carson twins, who do "everything" together. Legal? Yes. Libidinous and obscene? Indubitably. Thus, it is banned forever!
A labor of love by a fan with an abundance of free time, this "ASCII-mation" version of the Star Wars gives the classic movie a renewed poignancy. However, after repeated viewings, the bawdy hedonism of George Lucas's original film becomes clear--the cavalier use of deadly weapons, the incestuous love story, and the pagan belief in an unknown "force." This site is clearly a menace to virtuous moviegoers throughout the galaxy. Thus, it is banned forever!