From: Mildred Pierce, (mildpierce@plenty.net)
Subject: Rhino Attack
I have a tough question for you folks. Would you rather be rammed by a rhino running at fifty miles an hour, or ram the rhino yourself (at fifty miles an hour)? Either way it's a nasty collision, but I can't decide which is worse. I worked through a few scenarios using 16 Color Cinema, an outstanding animation site that lets you create nifty cartoons and send them to friends. In both cases the rhino wound up okay while the person was pretty much dead. I'd appreciate any advice you have on this issue. Thanks.
From: Chiff & Fipple, Champion Tinwhistlers!,
(chiff_and_fipple@no_snakes_in_ireland.com)
Subject: Tinwhistling, o' course!
Top o' the morning, boy-os! Chiff & Fipple, champion tinwhistlers at your service! It's a grand day to be a tin-whistler: the lads and lasses are jigging in the fields, Galway Bay is a-shimmering, and the sparrows are whistling in the treetops. What's that? Ye don't know how to play the tinwhistle? Bejasus! Come visit our champion tinwhistlin' site to learn a few ditties. You'll be whistling "Danny Boy" in no time t'all! May ye be buried in a casket made from an oak tree that we'll plant tomorrow!
From: A Concerned Citizen, (occam@liberty.com)
Subject: A Shameful Episode From Our Past
For too long, the crimes of the past have been buried out of sight, out of mind. Witness Hostess Heroes, a disturbing catalog of crass commercialism perpetrated by (yes) our very own superheroes. In a barbarous commercial assault that lasted well over a decade, the Hostess Corporation connived our beloved superheroes to sell a wide variety of artificially sweetened food products. Aquaman enjoyed the rich, creamy filling of a Hostess Twinky. Captain America savored the vanilla swirl on his Hostess Ding Dong. The Penguin went cuckoo for Hostess Fruit Pies. The list goes on. Look and weep.
From: Felicia Rownin, Consumer Advocate, (frownin@cruel.com)
Subject: You Can't Yo-Yo Me
My daughter and I had just finished a salad at Neiman-Marcus Cafe when we decided to visit the adjacent Tilly's Toys store. We watched an excellent yo-yo demonstration, and I asked if I could get the directions to the tricks. The expert said "I'm afraid not, but you can buy the directions. Only two fifty, it's a great deal!" I agreed--just add it to my tab I told him. Thirty days later, I received my VISA statement and it was $250! I was shocked. I called the store to complain, but was told, "Do what you want, it doesn't matter, and we're not refunding your money." After arguing a while longer, I told her that I was going to see to it that every yo-yo lover with an e-mail account got the $250 Smarty Pants's 3D Yo-Yo Tricks for free. I paid $250 for this ... I don't want Tilly's Toys to *ever* get another penny off of these yo-yo tricks.
From: Barry Stynes, (bstynes@cbs.com)
Subject: Rather Would
We would like your opinion of our CBS News revamp. Our inspiration is NewsMaps--a place where news articles and discussions are organized by topic into an "information landscape." We're planning to implement the same type of news map innovation, only in real-life. Dan Rather will report from a giant sound stage that is a 1:10,000 scale reproduction of the planet earth. Jumping from region to region, Mr. Rather will report on social unrest in Colombia one minute, and then--boing--next he's in Hollywood reporting on the salary dispute of actor Kevin Sorbo, TV's Hercules. Imagine a half hour of a fatigue-clad, bounding Dan Rather. Mr. Rather is so excited about the new format that he's getting in shape by taking Tai Bo four times a week.
From: Jolly Swagman, (didgeridoo@waltzingmathilda.com.au)
Subject: Your Order #432
G'day mates! Clive Carruthers here from Down Under. I reckon I won't be able to send the kangaroo meat you ordered for your barbie, since I'm taking me dingo Ethan on walkabout. We're going to Wagga Wagga, Woolloongabba, Yamba, Kalgoorlie, Maroochydore, and Booragoon. No worries cobbers, I've been inspired by Stories of the Dreaming, a brilliant web site dedicated to stories from Australia's indigenous cultures. Fair dinkum! It's a rip snorter collection of stories from all over our fair land, available in text, audio, and video. Ethan's fave is the yarn about Emu and the Jabiru. Go on, give it a burl. There you go, good onya!
From: Uncle Chester, (uc@mackdaddy.com)
Subject: Life in Belgrade
Greetings, kids! No matter what else you do this week, make sure you visit The War Diaries, an amazing video and text diary of modern-day Belgrade. Created from March 22 to April 11 by a young Serbian filmmaker named A.G. (full name intentionally withheld), the work offers a fascinating look at how the war in Kosovo and the NATO bombings have affected the lives of some of Belgrade's citizens. Watch the 15 minute RealVideo clip, or read the gripping diaries in which A.G. and his friends try to make sense of their new lives and contemplate the future. " ... [N]o matter how this war will end, it will be unimaginably hard to live in Serbia. This will be deserted and completely isolated land, with lack of everything except the bitterness of defeat."
From: Ayam Slakkin, (cameraman@quokka.com)
Subject: Help!
I'm writing to ask you NOT to pick Quokka Sports for Weekly Picks. I realize this is an odd request, but I have good cause to ask. If only you understood! I'd always wanted to be a photographer of peaceful things: trees, vases, flowers, children, weimaraner dogs. Then I got a job as cameraman at Quokka, the site that's reinventing the way people experience sports. Now I'm travelling the world, from Morocco to the Atlantic Ocean to Karakoram, China. Treacherous mountain climbing in Central Asia sound romantic? It's not! It's killer on the back. These people CANNOT be encouraged. I just want to go home. There's a rumor floating around about volcano bungee jumping in Hawaii. Help!
If you know of any timely, informative, or wacky web sites, please drop us a note. Also, feel free to send any general thoughts or comments about Picks.